If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
