I just pynch a tree in the face
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
