that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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