I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
