How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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