Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
