if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
