So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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