Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
