p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
