hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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