I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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