she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
