i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
