so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
