i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
