If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
