maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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