I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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