Midget sex pt 2 tonight
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
