SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
