Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
