tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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