I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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