Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
