I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
