I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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