I'm so fucking centered right now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
