We're like a lot better than the average bears
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
