You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
