we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
