Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
