Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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