Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are the jesus of drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
