My balls are so social today.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
