I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
