stop calling my apartment porn island.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
