too bad you live with your parents still
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
