ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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