P.S. I can't hear my feet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
