theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
