It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
