i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
