Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
