I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
