you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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