But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
