I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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