I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
