yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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