well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
