yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
