don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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