Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
